Communication

This one is going to be a little difficult for me. I am not good at communicating my feelings, either in a timely fashion or at all. I have a tendency to just push them down or not expressing them appropriately. In past situations I found that when I did communicate how I felt it came across as a accusatory or I didn’t say my feelings at the right time and it blew up in my face. Because of that, I learned to just hold it in as long as I could until I forgot about it or it was past the point of relevance. I am however trying to work on this, trying to figure out what’s worth bringing up and when the right time and way to express those feelings. I found that suppressing feelings makes me have an attitude towards people for what seems like no reason, and I don’t see the attitude until it’s almost too late. Growing up I was always told it’s ok to have emotions and show your emotions but don’t point them to the wrong person. I try and try to remember that but it’s difficult when you’ve trained your brain for so long to not say this or that or you’ll set someone off, you’ll offend them, you won’t say the right things and you’ll ruin this. So having to retrain your brain into being able to say how you feel in an appropriate manner is a lot harder than I thought it could be. I have problems as it is getting my thoughts out, and getting those thoughts and feelings to make sense out loud like they did or I thought they did in my mind. I’m working on it. It’s a whole process of you need to get this out before it changes your whole attitude for a month. You need to let people know how you feel because if they honestly care for you then they can’t be mad at you for expressing how you feel, if you do it when it’s relevant and not in a way that makes them feel as though it’s their fault, you will not only feel two million times lighter but it also opens the door for better communication in the future. Same goes for the person you are opening up to, they have a right to their feelings. It’s important to word your feelings and thoughts into a this is how it came across not so much a this is how you said it because you can’t tell someone how they felt and you can’t tell them what they meant, just express how it came across to you. I am a work in progress just like everyone else. I’m working on who I need to be and with that comes learning with how to deal with your emotions and your feelings before you get down and start pointing emotions towards undeserving people. I said this was going to be a difficult one for me because it was pointing out things in my life that I need to work on, to be honest in my feelings with others I first need to be honest in my feelings with myself.

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