Stepping up and Stepping part 3

For the final installment of stepping up and stepping in I am leaving y’all with some advice and lessons I’ve learned.

If you are a step child and you feel that your step parent is Satan himself resurrected in the flesh and is now married to your bio parent then please reach out and talk to someone. You are not alone, you do not have to go through this journey alone. If you can’t talk to the bio parent they’re married to then talk to your other bio parent. If that option isn’t available because I know everyone’s situation is different, talk to a school counselor, a trusted friend, or another family member. You could even try talking to your step. If you are in harms way or feel you are in danger because of them tell the authorities, do not let the fear prevent you from getting help. I wish I was this smart when I was younger, I wish I wouldn’t have been so shy and been able to talk to my bio dad about my feelings then maybe things would’ve ended up different.

If you have found yourself in the amazing position of being a step or bonus this is my advice, love that child or children unconditionally. Talk to your significant other about his/her child/children. Make sure they know that you know the kids come first, let them know you’re in it for the long run because coming in and out of a child’s life is very damaging. Know that by supporting your significant other and his/her time with their kids means a lot more than you know. Have a support system, my sister is one of my go to people that I talk to when I’m feeling way too emotional for no reason to keep me sane. Find your support group. Be mature in situations and strong even when you don’t want to be. Don’t be afraid to tell your significant other how you feel about certain things but also do it in the right way. Don’t make them chose between you and their child because you won’t like the outcome. All in all love that child or children even if you have to do it from a distance.

It doesn’t matter what you went through as a child, if you were in a two parent or one parent household, nothing will ever prepare you emotionally to be a bonus parent, it’s foreign and natural at the same time. Talk, talk, and talk again about it. Even if you start to feel like a broken record do not bottle your emotions up inside because in the end everyone will be hurt. And that is a piece of my mind, heart and soul.

Stepping up and Stepping in part 2

When I  grow up I want to be a lawyer, a family lawyer advocating for children in many different situations, whether it be custody, foster, adoption, anything. I do not want more children feeling the way I felt growing up. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, I always thought that the situation I grew up in as preparing me for my job as a lawyer and I was partly correct, but what I didn’t expect was it preparing me for one of the most difficult and most amazing things to ever happen to me.

My wonderful boyfriend is an amazing father to a very cute little boy. Let me tell you loving someone else’s child is one of the most humbling, frustrating, amazing and rewarding feelings in the world because you chose every single day to love that child and it’s not even a choice you make consciously, it’s natural, it pulls you in and the next thing you know you’re in total awe and love.

Let me back up. When me and Thomas (aka wonderful boyfriend) first started talking, not even dating, he told me how old he was which not important and that he had a son. I made sure to tell him multiple times that he comes first and I never want to come between them because like I stated before I don’t want another child to feel like I did and I sure as hell am not going to be the reason a child feels that way. I know what its like to be second choice by a parent, to be chosen after a significant other, to come last after everything else like friends and co-workers, I know the thoughts kids have when they see that someone else getting the attention that is supposed to be yours. He always always comes first. What struck me deep down was how nervous he was, he didn’t want me to run because he was a package deal. There is no way I could ever leave those two their smiles dragged me in and will not let me go.

When I first met his son I was a freaking wreck. I was terrified, nervous, all the things a person can be when meeting someone new. I talked to my mom a lot right before I went to meet him because I knew if he didn’t like me then I couldn’t be with Thomas. I say that not because I don’t love him, I said it because I do love him, I love him enough to walk away if it is for his son. As much as it pains me and I actually cried a little typing this, I know that if it was best for his son I would have to because I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to be the one to come between them, I wasn’t going to be the reason a child suffered alone wondering where his dad was. Thomas gets mad when I say that because he knows his son loves me and I love him immensely. But I have enough love and respect for Thomas and his relationship with his son that if it’s for the best then I’ll suck it up. (No I’m not leaving him now, I’m here forever)

I know I am not his mom, I know I will not replace her, that’s not what I want, I am simply a bonus, someone else in this crazy world to love and support and protect him unconditionally. And spoiling is an obvious. That is the rewarding part, the heartbreaking and frustrating part comes with not being able to be there for everything, missing so many things but having enough respect and class to know my place. I would give my right arm and left leg to be 100% involved all the time but I also know it just isn’t possible right now, knowing that isn’t going to make it hurt any less. I don’t love them any less either, I have so much love for my two boys sometimes I just want to cry.

I thought I knew everything I wanted in life, be a lawyer, help the children in horrible situations, have a family. But this, this is so much better. I still want to be a lawyer advocating for children, but now I know that this is one of the best jobs I could ever have and ever have. God doesn’t always give you what you want, but he gives you what you need, my life improved tenfold after meeting Thomas and to think the journey is just beginning. There is going to be a part three coming soon, and this is not a piece but my whole heart.

Stepping up and Stepping in part 1

I’m just going to start by diving into some deep water. This was going to be all in one post but I figured it would be way too long so it will now span over three parts. Here goes noting. When I was a child and thought of step parents my mind immediately traveled to Cinderella and her evil step mom, that terrified me. My mom raised me and my three brothers by herself for about thirteen years before she got remarried, don’t worry my step dad is nothing even close to evil.

So obviously my biological parents are separated and have been since I was like one. My bio dad got remarried first and that worked out for them but not for me. It was very hard for me to go to his house every other weekend to a place where not only was I uncomfortable but felt unwanted and unloved. This has been weighing on mind and heart very heavy lately for many reasons that I’ll get to eventually, so bear with me.

My dad (step dad) took on the role of father to four kids and at the time the grand father to two granddaughters. He isn’t just my moms husband, he is my dad. He has always understood that my mom was a packaged deal, a package that came with four children. He understood this so well that he asked me and my brothers for our permission before he proposed. This is so much different from what I grew up with.

My bio mom is amazing, she really is an angel, I don’t know where I would be in life if it wasn’t for her. She has always supported my dreams and ambitions no matter how crazy they have been, I leaned on her a lot when I was younger especially when I came home from my bio dads, she always asked me how my weekend was and made it a point to tell me that it is okay to have the feelings I was having. She was my support system. I am a mommas girl through and through. I used to be so worried about what would happen when I moved out since I am the youngest child. But then my step dad came into our lives and the worry faded. He made sure that we came first and he understood that my mom was all me and my brothers had for a long time. He made sure we knew he wasn’t going to be leaving.

My step dad completely changed my view of step parents, He stepped up and stepped into a position and so far has done an amazing job including us kids (not really kids anymore) in his life and his life with my mom. We aren’t just her kids were their kids. All of this has a point and I promise I’ll get there soon, so stay tuned for a little piece of my mind.

All about me

     Hello all I did a thing. Let me start by introducing my self, My name is Jenn/Jenny-pooh/Ninny/Jenny-girl and many more variations of Jennifer just depends on who you ask. I am currently 22 until August, and I started a blog.

     Growing up I was always super shy, shy to the point where I wouldn’t speak to you if you were not in my family. But I’ve always loved telling stories, and have been told by multiple people I should write a book (that might still be a thing so stay tuned) because I am so animated while telling stories and sometimes a little dramatic. I have had so many random, hard to believe, would only happen to me experiences that my family is probably tired of hearing about so I want to share them with the world.

I’m not going to get into too much here because then there is no point for me to even have a blog. So sit back, buckle up, remember I have never done this before and enjoy a little piece of my mind and maybe a piece of my heart as well.